Musical Interference
by Lyra Harp
Summary: Those of you who have read Preference, and Perseverence, in Life know that Lillian Wescott respects Prowl immensely. Click the title to not only know why she respects him, but also why she wasn't all that shocked to find out that her radio was a robot from another planet. The 'electric shock' feeling that Lillian described feeling around the autobots will also be in here. OC story
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007), _Transformers_: _Animated _or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

**Warning: **Mentions LBGTQIA (Lesbian, Bi, Gay, Trans, Questioning, Intersexual, Asexual), ProwlxJazz (They _will _be bonded, the Cybertronian version of married, in this fanfiction...), some language, and conflicting morals...in the entire story.

Prowl's appearence is a mix of the _Animated_ series and _Generation 1_. His frame is from _Animated_. His color scheme is from _Generation 1_. His personality is a mix of the two.

Just to be clear, Lillian is fifteen in this fanfiction.

Cassia is Desmond's 'official' girlfriend. Hence the provocation. Brenna is Cassia's 'sidekick.'

Desmond Lancaster is Miles Lancaster's father. Imagine that Desmond got a girl pregnant with Miles at a age that is...too young. Not _young_ young, but...thirteen. For his sake, let's say he confused her for a sixteen year old. Age is confusing...(The story loop I'm creating with _Preference, and Perseverance, in Life_. I'm still figuring it out.)

I'm sorry if some words don't make sense or are spelled wrong. I'll fix those when I post the next chapter.

~0~

There were days when the nightmares would be enough to shake my resolve. On those days, I would go outside. I couldn't stand to be isolated in the little corner of the world known as my room anymore. Nothing innocent would bring me back. I had to go outside and surround myself in what the world had to offer. If I still wasn't okay by the end of the day, I would sleep on the couch in the sun porch. I would stare at the stars for as long as possible wondering, not for the first time, if life would be better on another planet.

When I hit my all time low or all time high I would go to the park. Not the park with the swings, although those were fun...The park with the giant tree down the middle. A tree had fell during a storm in a field. I went there to practice my ninjutsu skills. Okay, so I was still learning the basics. It wasn't like you could buy ninja stars. One would think that practicing ninjutsu would be the perfect self defense method, but it was difficult to execute what you learned when you didn't have a partner to practice with. It came as a handicap when you didn't know how to use your skills in real life situations, such as defending yourself against the school quarterback. He cornered me against a tree and groped my behind just so I understood what deal he planned on making.

"I'm in need of your services, _Lillian_."

"Why don't you just ask one of your buddies for help?"

"Unlike you, I'm no homo. C'mon, what do you say? I could convert you. Make the pain go away. Renew your reputation. How's that sound?"

_Like a living hell_.

He leanned in closer.

_Hell_.

His face took up most of my line of vision beyond the shadows. His muscles were completely relaxed. My shoulders churned back into the tree and I stared at his demonic eyes.

_Hell_.

My eyes lost all life as if I was in a trance. I lifted my hands up as if to cherish the sides of his face.

_Hell no_.

I put my hands around his head and crushed it into my left knee.

_Like Hell I_'_m getting raped and letting him get away with it!_

I kicked him into his friends while he was still out of it and bolted for the forest. I ignored the pain in my knee as much as I could.

"Hey freak! Get back here!"

_Hell to the no Ah ain_'_t_ _comin_'_ ta ya! _I screamed at them mentally as I continued to run, not stopping for anything.

~0~

I stopped walking when my knee started throbbing to the ninth power. I held onto a tree for dear life and let my breathing even out. I slid to the ground._ Move_, I commanded._ You have to keep moving_.

Those idiots wouldn't come after you. They have to divise a plan to get the blame to fall on you. Yes, let's put all the blame on the homosexual who isn't even a homosexual! Desmond didn't have to sexually harass me. What did I do to provoke him? Nothing except a rumor. No one asked me if I was homosexual. People spread rumors like wild fire and don't even bother to get the facts. But Desmond would have sexually harrassed me even if I said I was asexual. 'How can you know if you are asexual if you haven't had sex? I can show you how good it can be.' Rubbish. Do you have to have sex with a member of the opposite sex to know your straight? Do you have to try having sex with an animal to know that you aren't attracted to them? No. Exactly.

I blinked at my surroundings. _Wait a second_..._Did_ _I_..._?_ I limped past a few more bushes right to my backyard. _I did_. _I_ _can_'_t believe I just did a loop through the woods all the way back to my house_. _How many miles is that? _

_Does it matter?_

I limped to the backdoor, grabbed the hidden key, went inside and upstairs. I went straight upstairs and soaked my knee in cold water. I put on different jeans and tried to act as normal as I could heading downstairs...minus using the railings as crutches. I lifted myself up for each step down, resting all my weight on my good leg. I walked normally to the diningroom even though it killed me. I knew that I wasn't getting away with hurting Desmond, but I didn't expect it to be as soon as the moment I sat down at the dinner table.

"So..." My aunt began. "You broke the quarterback's nose."

My aunt and I...Well, our relationship wasn't the greatest. If I had to guess, it was because she showed that she knew that I was struggling with something more than my uncle did. My uncle showed his concern by trying to distract me with jokes and fun topics. My aunt showed it by asking questions outright. I had stopped playing the acting game a few weeks ago. My aunt had started asking me more personal questions since that time, and truth be told, it was starting to annoy me. "He touched me in an inappropriate manner," I said neutrally.

Sonya and Mark tensed. "Desmond Lancaster sexually harassed you?" Sonya asked in disbelief. I snorted mentally. _Of course she wouldn_'_t believe me_. _He_'_s good looking by society_'_s standards, gets good grades, plays a sport _and_ the nice guy role much better than I ever could and continues to think that he can harass anyone he wants and get away with it_.

"Unwanted sexual advances," I continued as I looked directly at her. "Yes. He sexually harassed me."

"How far did he go?" Mark asked angryly. _Ever the shot gun type_, I thought sadly.

"Groped me once."

"That's it?" Sonya asked.

_That_'_s it?_I questioned in disbelief. "Yes," I began as I tried to control the raging inferno. I locked eyes with her again. "Isn't that enough?"

"It's just that...Wasn't your reaction a little overkill? Guys do it to each other, right? It's a football couch thing."

_It_'_s a football couch thing_, I thought in disbelief as I stared at her. _Well excuse me for thinking that it may be a little different for the female species! _I stood up. "I see," I began curtly. "Then what would you consider sexual harassment? When should I have pushed him away?" _When he rapes me? Would that be enough? No, you_'_d probably still take his side, wouldn_'_t you? Yes, because little miss Lillian Wescott isn_'_t in her right mind and doesn_'_t know which way is up_. _So if she considers groping from a stranger an unwanted sexual advance, it must have been a mistake! _"Tell me when so that when push comes to shove, I can know when to tell a stranger to back off."

"I didn't say it wasn't sexual harassment, Lillian," Sonya began angrily at my sarcasm that she didn't understand.

"Then what was it?" _Make up your mind! _"Was it sexual harassment or a 'football couch' move?"

"I don't know. I wasn't there."

_Right_. _Pull that one on me_. _Because_ _I_'_m just that stupid_. "In other words, you don't believe me."

"Of course I believe you!" she exclaimed. "I'm your aunt!" _Thanks for that little stream of information, but guess what? That whole _'_family sticks together no matter what_'_ ideal? That_'_s complete nonsense_. _I_'_m sorry that your not tuned into the world enough to know that_. _Not everyone has that, including us_. _Right now, we_'_re struggling for whose on trial, and you don_'_t want it to be you_. _You want me to be wrong so that you can fix all the _'_problems_' _I have, give yourself a pat on the back by the end of the day, and tell yourself that you did a good job_. _Thanks for the lies your giving me now, though_. _They_'_re_ _really appreciated_.

"Don't wait up."

"Lillian Wescott, get back here!"

"Don't worry," I began sarcastically. "I won't run off." I closed the door behind me calmly and began walking.

~0~

The moonlight gleamed off of the tree sap like diamonds. I took aim at one of them and ended up cutting off a small branch instead. _Crooked aim, crooked heart_, I thought with a scowl. I sighed before sitting down. _Honestly_. _Get a hold of yourself_. It had been like this for the past hour. I could aim just fine, but none of them would _stick_. I had to get the idea out of my head that I would be attacked the moment I stepped outside.

I looked up at the tree I had been aiming at. I jumped down from the 'balance beam' and walked over to the standing tree. I gently probed the handmade weapons out before placing a hand over the injured bark. _Poor thing_. _You get enough abuse from others enough as it is, don_'_t you? _I looked at my hand. Sticky wet bark stuck to my fingers. I snorted. _Payback_. _Lovely_. I walked back over to my fallen comrad, jumping up to common ground. You'd think talking to trees would deem the obvious, but I would have rather been seen as insane than ungrateful.

Despite my calm demeanor, I was not oblivious. I knew a couple when I saw one. I knew when I should leave the area to give others peace. Half of the time, however, I chose to ignore the obvious for professionalism. If I had a task to accomplish, I would ignore others emotions and get them back on task. Was it selfish? In a way, yes. But being professional can go two ways. Once you've chosen to go one way, its hard for others to accept the switch. They question the sudden change. I could never blame them for that, but I didn't want to draw unnecessary attention to myself. Being invisible warranted certain behaviors and patterns. You had to blend to withhold your status. Dropping the wall causes confusion, and you have to play a role that is parallel to yourself. Once you look at it, it is very complicated. A series of diversions required a brilliant memory. If a story falls through, gossip starts. Once the gossips starts, there's no going back unless you refine your role lickety split. If you don't take action, you fall through with the story. It's as simple as that. Being invisible requires no slip ups. But what kind of human would I be if I didn't make mistakes every now and then? I suppose those mistakes...

"Hey Wescott!"

...are what warranted the initial tauntings.

All I wanted to do was roll my eyes at the immaturity. _How old must one be for maturity to kick in? I would say sixteen, but if _she_ had been at all mature, she would have never-_

_Humans make mistakes_.

_Great_. _Now_ _I_'_m using my own thoughts against me_. _It was her fault! _

"Aw...what happened? Did the whore have a fallout with her lover?"

"Easy, Cassia. Don't get too close. Don't you know that homosexuality is a disease?"

How can someone who has never lost society's sign of purity be labeled as impure by that same society? Call me crazy, but that makes no sense to me. And if anything is a disease, its homophobia. Homosexuality is a gift you are born with. Homophobia is something you learn and grow up with. As sad as that may be-

A rock hit me on the cheek. Several others followed. "Run, homo, run!"

Homophobia makes me sick to my stomach. It also ends up getting me almost killed. I ran for a while, sure...until I realized that I forgot my uncles boom box. I circled back around to get it even though my legs hurt from running so fast. The girls got a hold of my ninja stars and started throwing them at me along with various sharp rocks. When I reached the tree, I ducked inside along with the boom box. I breathed heavily for a minute or two before the unthinkable happened. I got attacked _by a squirrel_. I know my luck is bad, but seriously? I bolted outside into the pouring rain, desperately trying to get the thing off me. I didn't want to kill the thing, but I didn't want it to scratch my eyes out! It turns out that I didn't have to kill it. The girls did it for me when they threw a rock at my head. One of them hit the squirrel. The joke was on me when a ninja star finally caught me in the gastrocnemius region of my calf muscles. I stumbled to the ground after a soundless scream left my throat. A buzzing sound met my ears despite the pain. I looked up dizzily before flattening to the ground when I saw, I kid you not, a giant weapon hurled at my head. Brenna and Cassia cried out in shock. I heard and felt them drop the rocks. They pelted my body along with the rain.

"Run, you idiot!" Cassia shouted to Brenna.

I sighed in relief as I stared ahead. I blinked when I saw what looked like a high heel made out of metal. For curiousity's sake, I looked up. Rain slid off its metalic frame like marble. It was the blue visor that glowed in the dark that got my attention. The being grabbed the weapon as it circled around back to it before subspacing it in one of its ankles. The silver circle gleamed in the rain along with the beautiful frame. Perfectly shaped, carved from the gods. My heart thumped as I watched it stand up, still staring at me. The blue visor was the last thing I ever saw before blacking out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

The following songs were used in this chapter:

When You Gonna Learn by Jamiroquai

End Of The Road by Boyz II Men

_:Music:_

~0~

_:Victims of a modern world_

_Circumstance has brought us here_

_Armageddon_'_s come too near:_

Don't joke about death. Death is not something you want to joke about. 'Death will come knocking on your door.' That's not funny. Why on earth would that be funny? I don't understand humans sometimes. Our sayings are contraditory and we joke about death even though some of us will sell our souls to live for an eternity. What happens when the Earth blows up and you end up choking for oxygen in space for an eternity? Didn't think about that when you signed the contract, did you?

_:Foresight is the only key_

_To save our children_'_s destiny_

_The consequences are so grave_

_The hypocrites we are their slaves:_

I'll die when my time comes. I'm okay with that. Really I am.

_:So my friends to stop the end_

_On each other we depend_

_We gotta wake this world up from its sleep:_

Okay, so I'm not okay with it. I don't want to die in my prime just like everyone else. But I still don't want to know when I die. I don't want to know my future. I'm fine with waiting it out and seeing what happens. I would be okay with living in a loop as long as I never remember any of it. I would never want to know my end because then I'll try to change it. But fate won't let me change it because that's just how life works. We all die at some point. That's why you shouldn't joke about it.

_:Have you heard the news today?_

_And you_'_d better play it nature_'_s way_

_Or she will take it all away_

_Don_'_t_ _try and tell me you know more than her about right from wrong_

_Now you_'_ve upset the balance, man_

_Done the only thing you can_

_Now my life is in your hands_

_We gotta wake this world up from its sleep:_

Speaking of death, I really need to get that clock to shut up. The radio never turns off unless I get up. I reached out my arm instinctively to turn the alarm off only to have pain echo in joints I forgot existed.

_:Greedy men will fade away_

_When we stop it going on_

_I know it_'_s got to be that way:_

I opened my eyes and attempted to roll over so that my back was against the fallen tree, only to be stopped halfway when rocks fell off my back. I groaned as I attempted to get up. _Damn, my leg hurts_. _No duh, Sherlock_. _You_'_ve got a piece of metal in your calf muscle_. I dislodged the metal as carefully as I possibly could, but it still hurt like hell. I threw it at a nearby tree. _Piece of scrap metal_.

_:I_'_m asking_

_When you gonna learn_

_To stop it going on?_

_When you gonna learn_

_To stop it going on?_

_When you gonna learn_

_To stop it going on?:_

I sighed as I rested my head against the tree. "I'll _learn _when _you_ shut up," I grumbled to the radio.

_Did those girls hit my head? I_'_m talking to a _radio. _Sheesh_.

I grunted as I sat up.

_:We belong together _

_And you know that I_'_m right_

_Why do you play with my heart?_

_Why do you play with my mind?:_

I stared across the road. It wasn't that far, really...

_:Said_ _we_'_d be forever_

_Said it_'_d never die:_

I picked up the radio in a way that balanced me out.

_:How could you love me and leave me_

_And never say goodbye?:_

_All I have to do is hobble to the house and I_'_m home free_.

_:When I can_'_t sleep at night without holding you tight_

_Girl, each time I try _

_I just break down and cry:_

_Piece of cake_.

_:Pain in my head _

_Oh_ _I_'_d rather be dead_

_Spinnin_' _around and around:_

_Right_, I snorted. _Real simple_.

_:Although we_'_ve come to the End of the Road_

_Still I can_'_t let you go_

_You belong to me, I belong to you_

_Come to the End of the Road:_

_End of the road, huh? _I thought in vague amusement. I sighed as I stared at the doorknob.

_:Girl_ _I_'_m here for you_

_You just don_'_t understand how much I love you do you?_

_I_'_m here for you:_

My fingers picked up the sensation of the sleek wet metal. I turned the knob and hobbled inside.

~0~

"Where the hell have you been?"

_Well hello to you to, sunshine_._ Miss me?_

"Out..." I mumbled.

"Out? That's all we get? We've been worried sick!"

_Guess homosexuality, real or not, is a disease_. _It spreads in peoples minds without contact and gives them viruses that can kill them! Sonya, chill out and let a girl rest_. _If I can only get upstairs_...

"I'm fine."

"Like hell you are!"

"Sonya-" Mark began harshly.

"She's been acting weird for months! She's not the same as she used to be!"

_Because humans don_'_t mature or change at all in their teen years_, I thought sourly. _How illogical can you get?_

"Like I said, I'm fine. Can I go upstairs now?"

"Your not going upstairs until you talk to us," Sonya said angrily with her arms crossed.

I blinked at her tiredly. _What are you waiting for? If your waiting for me to spill my heart out, your mistaken_ _if you think that that is going to happen_. "I'm going upstairs."

"Stay put, Lillian Wescott! If you don't-!"

"Or else what?" I said monotonously as I stared at her. "What do you want me to say to you?" _I_ _can_'_t be a tactician right now_. _I_'_m too tired to analyze her way of thinking_. _All I know is that I need to sleep on something that isn_'_t grass_. _I feel like I_'_ve been rolled over by a truck, and I_'_m _still _getting pounded_. _I really can_'_t tell which is worse_. _Having Sonya screech in my ears or being pounded _with my own weapons _by two sixteen year olds_.

"Sonya, let the girl go upstairs. Can't you see that she is exhausted?"

_Ah, the voice of reason_, I thought as I started to fall asleep on my feet. An electric shock transmitted from the boom box in my hand gave me a jump start.

"Your insane if you think that letting her do what she wants will help anything! She must be drunk or something! Tell me Lillian, are you high? Did you go to a party?"

_While I suppose that having a lack of sleep is like being drunk, you_'_re way off the mark_. _My words aren_'_t that slurred right now, are they? Why on earth would I go to a party? You clearly don_'_t even know the basics about my personality_.

"Sonya, will you cut it out already? The girl isn't high!"

_Okay, this is getting ridiculous_. _There is too much screamming going on right now and I don_'_t have the tolerance for it at the moment_. "Sonya," I began calmly as I unzipped my sweatshirt and let it fall to the ground. "Does_ this _look insane to you?"

Sonya paled. "What...What did you...do?"

I took a deep breath and forced myself to not shake my head. _Really? Why would I do this to myself?_ "Nothing."

"Who did this?"

_Now you ask_. "Desmond's girlfriend."

"Cassia? But-"

"She's sweet? Yeah, I guessed. It was Brenna and Cassia."

"But-"

I wanted to claw her face. _Stop saying that and believe me for once! Give me the benefit of the doubt, here! _

"Sonya," Mark bit out. "Call the hospital."

"No."

Mark looked at me with a bewildered expression on his face. "What?"

"I can't go to the hospital. The doctors won't treat me."

"What are you saying? They have to treat you. It's against state law-"

"-to not treat someone who isn't a homosexual," I finished with a straightface.

"What?"

_Again with the _'_what?_' _Wake up! _"Everyone in town assumes that I'm a homosexual. That's why Desmond Lancaster sexually harrassed me. He thought that he could change me to straight if he did. That's why this happened."

"Are you?" I looked at Mark. "You said 'assumes.'"

_Finally, someone who pays attention_. "Bisexual." _Like_ _I_'_m telling them the truth_. _Bye bye Lillian_. _Have fun in white room infinity with all those fancy disection tools_. _It_'_s a scientific evolution! There_'_s someone in the world who doesn_'_t want to engage in intercourse? Let_'_s cut them open! Huh_...

_What do you mean by _'_huh?_'

_There_'_s nothing different_...

_No duh, Sherlock_. _I could_'_ve told you that_.

"How long has this been going on?" Sonya asked quietly.

"Identifying as bisexual or the beatings?"

She hesitated. "Both."

"Months."

"In school or out?"

"Both." I hesitated to let the information sink in alittle. "Please don't call the hospital. I just need rest."

"Fine." I looked at Sonya. "Go rest. We'll talk in the morning."

I nodded. Considering that I didn't know what the conversation in the morning would entail, I didn't dare say thank you. I headed upstairs, closed the door behind me, and disrobed in front of the bathroom mirror, leaving the soiled clothes on the tile floor. Black, brown, blue, green and purple patches covered my body with a few cuts here and there. I put disinfectant and bandages on the cuts before going to bed in light weight clothes. I blacked out in a much more peaceful manner than the night before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

Fredrick Robinson = First Aid! :D I love First Aid! I figured that since the town won't take care of Lillian...and Mark is in the army...and Ratchet couldn't be bothered for one human in the states...First Aid was my only option besides Swoop. First Aid seemed like a less suspicious character than Swoop, though...

~0~

It's not like it happened everyday, but it happened enough for me to not sob everytime I saw myself in the mirror. With some dark clothes that touched either the ground or my elbows I was good to go. I never bothered with make up, finding it too troublesome to reapply several times a day. I always wore elbow length gloves tied up with shoelaces, figuring that no one would bother paying attention to some punk kid. But now was different. With bruises on my body, the cut on my leg, and the fact that Sonya and Mark were now fully aware of my situation, I went for a t-shirt and boxers. The cut was annoying enough as it was. Having fabric cover it would only aggitate the wound...and me further.

I glared at the ceiling, halfway between being scared and ticked. I knew that people can have trouble moving their bodies for a few seconds after they wake up facing the ceiling rather than on their side, but past two minutes was pushing it.

Could I talk? I don't know. I don't make a habit of talking to my ceiling.

Luckily for me, some glitch at the local radio station decided to play the only thing that could possibly make my current predicament any worse. Help by the Beatles.

_God? Yeah, hi_. _I know your probably always in a great mood and all, but now is not the time to play games_. _I_'_d appreciate a little jolt here! _I didn't know if God had the greek god Zeus' powers, but at the moment, I wasn't sure if it would have been better to stick a knife in an electrical outlet than to remain frozen on this damn-

"Lil?"

-devil.

"She must still be sleeping," Sonya reasoned. _No, no, no! Not sleeping! Not sleeping! S_._O_._S! _S.O.S! "Are you sure you don't want any refreshments downstairs? We've just made breakfast."

_Now_ _I_'_m hungry_. _Thanks a lot, Sonya_. "I've actually already consumed my-"

"Breakfast, good doctor?" Mark teased. "I thought you were a grab n' go sort of man."

The 'good doctor' chuckled. "Hardly. Regardless, it's better if I tend to your niece as soon as possible."

"She may be annoyed," Sonya warned. "She often is."

_Gee, thanks_. _Don_'_t I sound charming?_ "I will be gentle. I promise. You have my word. Its just with the injuries that you described on the-"

_For the love of-Open the damn door! I_'_m not going to wither away and die while you all chit chat_!

"Lil?" Mark asked in shock. I continued glaring at the ceiling. _Yeah, hi_. _Will someone help me up? I_'_m bored, hungry, and, quite frankly, I_'_d like to break something_. Mark and Sonya helped me up. I couldn't help but wince and grunt. _On second thought, maybe I won_'_t be breaking anything_..._besides my back_. I looked up at the enemy presense once I regained my posture...for the most part. I couldn't exactly sit up ram rod straight at the moment. "Lil, this is Fredrick Robinson. He's a physician from out of town." _Out of town? _I examined him critically. _Figures_. _Why_'_d they get me a male doctor, anyway? Did those two not listen to a thing I said?_

_You told them you were bisexual, moron_.

_Oh_..._right_...

_Your insane_.

_Blame me being tired_.

_That makes no sense_.

_It makes perfect sense_.

_I_ _don_'_t care how much sense it makes to you_. _Focus!_

I blinked, presumably bored. "Hi."

"Pleasure to meet you, miss Wescott."

If no one was in the room I would have facepalmed. _Great_, I groaned mentally. _He_'_s one of _those. _If this guy sexually harasses me while I_'_m injured I_'_ll hunt him down and- _"Likewise." _Good thing my cover was blown or else I would throw up from all the rainbow junk I once forced myself to spew from my mouth_. The only reason I played nice (for now) was because Sonya was in the room. I didn't want her to scream in my ear later for being rude. Mark wouldn't mind all that much since he understood the rudeness. Maybe it was a guy thing.

Mark and Sonya left me in the hands of the 'good doctor.' _He better be or I'm demanding a refund with a court order_. "I'm going to examine your back first since that is the sorest area. Please remove your shirt."

I stared him down as I took off my shirt with one hand, revealing more bruises. _If this guy is a masochist, I_'_m playing God_. I examined his every move with my eyes and the sensations I picked up from my skin when he wasn't within range. I forced myself to remain as still as a statue even though the mere ghost of his hands near my skin made me want to cringe. I only allowed myself to cringe and grunt when he examined my leg and... "_Watch it_," I snapped when he touched a particularly nasty wound on my back.

"Sorry." I raised an eyebrow mentally. His tone was gentle but not necessarily creepy. I was on even higher alert after the comment, trying to pick up any form of deceit. I searched for any hint that he was going to try to push any boundaries. Nothing. _Perhaps some doctors can be strictly professional? I find that hard to believe in this day and age_. I lowered my guard after he gave me instructions for my back in terms of care. If he didn't do anything with my back facing him, I doubted he would try anything on my front. "Your quiet." My glaze shifted from the wall to him. "Most people your age talk my ear off," he explained. "Its nice to be able to work without being interrupted." Well now I just wanted to tick him off by talking to him. Nice move, doc.

"Where do you work?"

"Madagascar."

I blinked twice. "Army?"

"You got it." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. _Mark, when I said I didn_'_t trust anyone in this town, I_ _wasn_'_t implying that you get a doctor as far as out of state, let alone out of the country! _"I was passing through the area when Mark contacted me and made me aware of your situation." _Mark, why do you know this guy, anyway? If he works in Madagascar-? Is that where your stationed? Maybe I could visit in the summer or something_..._In a top secret military base?Yeah, good luck with that_.

"How do you know Mark?"

"He makes quite a few trips to the medical center."

_Go Mark_. "There any other doctors in that medical center?"

"At least four...ty. Maybe forty five. We're working on requiting more."

_Forty doctors_..._for hundred or thousands of men and women_..._Damn_. _Glad I_'_m not a doctor_. "Must be tough."

He shrugged. "You get used to it."

"Is there anything on the base that makes it easier? You got a mate, mate? There's got to be downtime at sometime, right?"

He chuckled. "There is...on all accounts. The medics take what they can get and cherish any alone time because our field is based on social interaction. Some of the soldiers don't like it. They become restless after awhile and sometimes decide to drop in and chat. Roger _supposively_ doesn't enjoy the company, but I know he does. Hearing about something_ other _than the latest battle is a blessing. Roger zooms in on the more...zanny topics the soldiers come up with. It helps distract him from work when I can't."

"Workaholic?"

"Like you wouldn't believe. Sometimes he stays up for days at a time just to get his reports in."

"Does he not get that more sleep equals better reports and repairs, or...?"

"He gets it...for everyone else."

"Sounds kind of twisted."

"If you meet him at some point at a family reunion in the states, don't tell him that. He's known for being irrational when upset...Regardless, he's still an excellent medic. No one can deny that."

I examined him as he went back to work and gently wrapped my leg. My eyelids lowered after I analyzed the previous conversation. "When you said that you were aware of my situation...?"

He smiled. "I'm guessing there aren't many doctors who are 'out' in the states?"

"Not really." _I_'_d be surprised if there were any, considering_...

"I guess it would be tough in the states considering the rising damage in Colorado." He examined my eyes for a second before reaching into his left side pocket. "If people ever start to get on your case like this again...Here." I blinked at the business card before taking it. "In case it gets too rough."

"Thanks." At least now I didn't have to hunt him down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers _(2007) or _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

As I sat in the bay window looking out at the rainy morning sky, six weeks after the visit from a particular medic, a vision flashes before my eyes of a past I had tried to forget.

I'm laying on the floor on my stomach and my hand is stretched out to my mother. She's in the kitchen and the hallway is very narrow. The walls are white and the carpet is gray. She's working on something I can't see-maybe she's talking to someone or waiting for a call-and I don't care what it is. I want her attention. I want her to turn to me, to see me with her corner vision that I know works, and help me up to my feet before walking away. That's all I want. No 'are you okay?' No hair ruffle. No look back. All I want her to do is turn, see me and help me up. There is nothing wrong with me. I chose to lay on the carpet with barely-noticeable red fibers in it on my stomach for this purpose only. I lay there for minutes with my arm outstretched. The family cat is staring at me. _If he can notice me, why can_'_t you? _I thought later.

Finally, my father comes along and pick me up from under the arm, which hurts and is not what I want, but I let him because saying something that even suggests a rebellious nature would be too dangerous because, even as I child, I know that therapy would be more damaging to my pride than having my mother not look at me. I know that I don't want to be treated like I'm less than a person and told that I need help when I know that I don't.

I also know that no one listens to me. Whenever I raise my hand in class, the teacher never picks on me. I'm the one who gets in trouble for things I don't do. I'm the one who gets bullied in the classroom and out of school and no one does anything about it. The teachers get angry at me. The kids laugh at me in my face and behind my back. My family talks to me like I'm a pitiful soul that doesn't know her left shoe from her right. I hate, no, _loathe_ pity. I don't _want_ pity. I want justice and equal rights and no one understands what those are or that I fully comprehend what those things are at six years old. I want someone to stick up for the little girl down elementary lane that no one likes or talks to except in angry, frustrated, mocking or pitiful tones. I want adults to start acting their age and not like immature sparklings. I want people to open their eyes and stop looking down on the little girl that knows more about the pain of being invisible, and the pain of having people treat me like I'm the crazy one when they finally start paying attention, than they ever will.

When my father picks me up under my arm-drunk, I notice-and asks in an amused voice: "What are you doing?" I don't answer and he doesn't stick around to press an answer out of me. He keeps on walking to the kitchen with his empty glass to get more beer. I sit next to the family cat, Charcoal, that had been watching me the entire time and pet him as I hold back tears. He doesn't purr, but he also doesn't claw at my hand. I take what I can get, wishing desperately that my parents were both out of the house with the knowledge they would be gone for hours so that I could lay my head on the edge of the dog bed and cry as hard as I can. I don't dare do that now because it will attract unwanted attention, questions I don't want to answer and life in a psychiatric hospital. I know they would send me there if they knew how I felt. They would never understand and I don't want them to. This was my life. No one else needed to know it. I went to sleep that night hoping that no one would know of my pain, and that anyone that ever, possibly, cared was dead and gone.

I can't say why my parents had been on my mind lately. It wasn't so much that I missed them, because I certainly didn't. They didn't properly care for me. At least, that was what the rest of the family...the ones who looked at it past dicipline...said. I was taken away when I was nine. I guess the yelling didn't help any. I didn't try to do anything wrong on purpose. I didn't mean to make them angry.

"Why were you _thinking? _Eating this much! Look-_Look_ at this! Why did you eat all this?" My mother shoved the pan back inside the microwave, huffing. "Honestly. Don't you_ ever _do that again." I didn't say anything to her then. I don't know why I even attempted to seek her approval when we were on completely different playing fields.

(_Why did you think I was so thin when they found me, mom? Why did you think I didn_'_t eat? Why did you think it took them so long to get me to understand that you and dad wouldn_'_t_ _be able to see me anymore because you were _'_neglectful?_' _Why? Did you ever even care?_)

Despite my unhappiness in that house, I didn't want to change settings...To change to a house...or a hospital...were people did nothing but stare at you and notice your flaws and ask personal questions. I never was good at answering questions or making decisions, so I always said yes...even if I really wanted to scream 'no' and lock myself in my room for an eternity. But whenever I said 'no' and tried to run away, the response was always the same. "Do I have to get your father? Do I have to call your parents? Do I have to...?" Always a threat. It worked, I'll give them that, but they didn't understand why. I was in pain. Being around people brought me pain and anxiety no one could possibly understand.

I just wanted to draw; that's all I wanted. But they...didn't understand it. The passion. How at ease I felt when I could just sit in a corner and draw...because pencils, pens and paper don't talk to you. They are more than happy to help you seek your fantasy realm and keep it a secret for as long as they are able. When I drew my savior, it made me blush. My fantasies made me smile and...sometimes giggle...but the paper didn't care about that.

_When I think about him now, I_..._can_'_t help being embarrassed_. _Him, a being of magnificent proportions, like me? Ha_.

The glass sprinkled with raindrops felt cool against my cheeks. I closed my eyes as my head started to ache.

I still couldn't control myself. I was never good at that. If you asked my parents, they'd tell you I was a loose cannon...because they didn't know I was a ticking time bomb. When Charcoal passed away at eight years old, my frustrations started rising to the surface. I was unable to control those rare moments when I would lose my temper and snap statements. I couldn't play the happy kid anymore. I didn't_ want _to. Animals made me happy. They licked away the tears, let them pet you to starve off _your _social anxiety at family engagements (where everyone expects you to be the most relaxed), and rub against you to make you giggle softly when your in the dining room, crying, sobbing quietly, because your father just spoke to you harshly about interrupting a conversation and left you in the dusk for the other so-called adults on the other side of the house.

_Its just the alcohol_, I tried to console myself. _He_'_s just drunk_. _He doesn_'_t mean it_.

My father always tried to lighten the mood when we were home. In public...its not like I didn't know or care or...There were just so many people in one setting. Even if it was a festival and it was supposed to be happy...I saw the drink in his hand beforehand. I shouldn't have gone. They did ask if I wanted to go; he wanted me to go, but...no one in my family understood just how far my shyness extended. I didn't try to convince myself that he didn't mean it when he snapped "What is the matter with you?" I basically ran back to the safety of my room at that statement. Sure, he asked if I was okay, but if he really cared to understand, he wouldn't have snapped in the first place. I didn't tell myself it was just the alcohol then because I didn't care. I pretended to be asleep even though I was crying into my pillow. Festivals weren't fun. Getting yelled at for being scared is not fun. Having no one understand you because your different...

When Mark and Sonya took me in after social services got their hands on me, the atmosphere was slightly different. It may not have been as painful as it was living with my parents, but there was still an awkwardness. I got the distinct impression from Sonya that she didn't want me in her house. She didn't like me; she was just putting up a front. I was okay with that. Its not like I ever tried to push it...Mark was the one who made it bearable. He said that I was always welcome in their home, even if I were to move away once I got older. Even so, I liked to keep out of trouble whenever I could. Even if Cassia and Brenna threw a hundred ninja stars at me, nothing hurt me more than a broken pride. I didn't want to disapoint Mark...a family member who didn't have a responsibility to care for me like my parents did...but did anyway. I also had a distinct feeling that he knew, at least somewhat, about the pain I felt. Regardless, he-

"Lillian! Time for din-din! C'mon, kid! I'm not eating this all by myself!" I snorted as I stood up. Despite being a soldier, Mark could be a real goof when he wanted to be. I looked out the window again before sighing and going downstairs. I looked around the kitchen.

"Where's Sonya?"

He placed his hands on his hips. "Am I that bad? No respect for the flamboyant these days." He grabbed one of Sonya's purses and glided from the room. He came back when I giggled. He dropped the bag on the counter, grinning. "What's this thing called again? A murse?"

"Think so...What's for dinner?"

"Glad you asked." He pulled out a cardboard box from the stove. "Now this is gourmet! Eh, eh?"

"You didn't have to order pizza. Don't we have leftovers or-"

"What, and miss a perfect opportunity to pig out while the law's away? You kidding? Come on, kid, cheer up! This is comedy gold here!"

I snorted, smiling. "Gold from your perspective. Looks like silver to me."

"Kid, unless you want to eat your words with this pizza..."

I held up my hands. When Mark placed a paper plate in front of me, I glanced at him. "Seriously though, where is she?"

"Working a late shift tonight. Won't be home until eleven at least. Why? Got any secret projects I should know about? I know you do, kid. Don't deny it."

I giggled. "No projects, Mark. Promise."

"Then why do you keep stealing my gears?"

My hand froze as I was reaching for the box. _Busted_.

Mark chuckled at my expression. "Didn't think I noticed, huh? You've been taking enough for a machine of some sort, kid. What are you doing, exactly? Building a rocket? I tried that once. Didn't work so hot. Crash landed in my neighbors dog house."

I lowered my hand back into my lap before looking up. "Was the dog okay?"

He blinked. "I think the correct question is was _I _okay. Damn thing chased me around the block..."

My lips twitched. "Sorry."

He waved his hand. "Don't be. I'm pulling your chain." He slapped a slice on my plate. "If you really want atonement, though, eat that before it gets cold. Lets see if we can finish this off before the law gets home. What do you say, kid? Sound like a plan?"

I smiled and answered by digging in.

When I was full and Mark was...relatively done, I cleared my throat. "Robot."

"What?"

"I'm building a robot."

"Really? Does it work?"

"I'm not trying to get it to move, Mark. Its supposed to just look pretty..." _Which it does and more_..."But I haven't actually build it yet. I'm still figuring out the design."

"Care to show me the design? I'd like to help."

I blinked. "Um...sure...? Wait a sec."

"I'll be in the garage!" he shouted once I started my trek up the stairs.

"Got it!"

I flipped through my latest sketch pad and ripped out the pictures that had me in it. I took my time going down the stairs, cletching the book to my chest, not quite believing I trusted Mark enough to not burn the book. The white garage door creaked open to the standard cement garage. I placed the sketch book in front of Mark at his work desk, staring at the gears as he flipped through the book and...scribbled with a pen...?

I whipped my head, staring at Mark in a paranoid manner. _If he draws over them, I swear to God_-

He wasn't actually drawing in the book, though. He was just scribbling on a piece of notebook paper. "These are good drawings. Very realistic." He patted the stool next to him, apparently too caught up in his own mind to look up. I followed suit and sat down beside him.

"Thanks."

"Some of these pictures...they have katana's in them. Do you want to build one for your robot?"

I blinked. "You..." Mark looked up from his work. "Actually know what a katana is?"

He snorted. "Come now. Am I _that_ clueless looking?"

"Well, no...I was just wondering..." He raised an eyebrow. "Not many people know..." _Especially not the people I know_...

"Truthfully, I don't know much." He chuckled. "I only know about them from a fellow soldier. He's big on stuff like this. Ninjitsu and other Japanese mumbo jumbo...He always talks like we should know what he's talking about. Maybe you two should get together and chat once he comes over seas. I have a feeling you'd like him."

"You know Mark, most fathers act like giving their little girl away is a death sentence."

"I'm not telling you to _marry _the guy, Lillian. I'd just like to see you chat with him. I think it'd be an interesting conversation...and even if you _did _decide to marry him, he's a nice guy. I trust him."

I snorted. "You are_ definently _not the stereotypical father."

"Is that so bad?"

I glanced at him before looking down at the design he had sketched out. "Not really. I mean, no one else would volunteer to help me with this...If I tried asking someone my age, they'd call me a dork." _Which would actually be kind of nice_...

He stared at me. "Lillian..." I looked up. "Does anyone in that school actually try to talk to you?"

I glanced at the gears hanging from the wall, images of the attack from a few weeks prior ringing in my head. _You mean besides the cat calls, unwanted nicknames and sexual harassment_..._?_ "Not really..."

"I can have you pulled out, you know...If what happened last month is just the beginning...I don't want you to suffer for education. You shouldn't have to stress over whether you'll survive walking to school or, hell, the halls-"

I gave a sad attempt at a smile. "It's not that bad, really..." _It_'_s worse_. "I like the classes." _When we don_'_t have group projects and presentations_...

He considered my expression before reaching into a small gray drawer. He brought a purple and black cassette player out and placed it in front of me. "Here."

I blinked. "What is it?"

"Don't tell me you've never heard of a cassette player-?"

"Of course I've heard of one. I mean...are you...why are you giving it to me?"

"If things gets really rough, I want you to plug in to that and drown out the bad. But you have to promise me a few things before I let you walk off with it."

I blinked. "What things?"

"There are two no-plug-in zones I want you to consider. The streets and the school. I don't want some creep walking up behind you or some punk using it as a football. It may be less conspicuous than that honking red box, but it's still valuable. Secondly...try to make a friend, okay? I know its rough, but you'll find someone eventually." I highly doubted that...but didn't deny his request for an open mind. "Got it?" I nodded. "Good. Now..." He stood up and stretched. "Let's go work off that pizza."

"What about the-?"

"We can get the parts tomorrow. Come on. Up you go." I followed Mark out of the garage to the backyard. "Stand opposite me." I obeyed his orders blindly, not expecting anything. "Now, place your hands in front of you boxer style. That's right. Now, I'm going to call time. No matter what I do, I want you to duck and hit _real _hard, okay?"

"But-"

"Trust me, kid. I've been a soldier for a long time. There ain't no better training than at boot camp. It won't hurt much. But if your _really_ worried, I can go easy on you."

He smiled at my pout. _Go _easy _on me? I don_'_t _think_ so_. I started getting into a rhythm, bouncing back on my heels. "Bring it."

He got into his own fighting stance. "You asked for it."

When Mark called time, I was thrown for a loop once he finally pinned me two minutes in. I was fine in terms of dogding...but his method of close encounters was way different than what I was expecting. After all, when your in a fight with someone on the streets, you don't expect them to tickle you to the ground.

"Come on, kid! Fight! Fight!"

"M-M-Mark! Wahahaha! Wait a-aha minute!"

"There are no breaks in battle! Fight it!"

I tried so damn hard...until I couldn't take it. "Uncle!"

"What's that?"

"_Uncle!_"

He chuckled as he finally stopped the torture. "That's my name. Don't wear it out...Hey, Lillian?"

I panted. "Wha...ha..t?

"Why don't you ever call Sonya or I aunt and uncle?"

"It's not...proper..."

He snorted as he gave me a hand up. "Oh yeah. You'd definently get along well with mister ninja."

"Where's this guy...from, anyway?"

"Let's just say he's from some place you've never heard of."

"Sounds awful sketchy...Are you sure your not...the cause of my misfortune?"

He poked me in the side. "Don't push it, kid. I was holding back just now."

I giggled. "Okay, okay."

Mark placed an arm around my shoulders and sterred me toward the house. "Lillian, you've got to make me another promise."

"Why don't you just make me a list?"

He raised an eyebrow, using the hand attached to the arm wrapped around my shoulders to tickle the back of my neck. I giggled, bending over. "Do that more, okay, kid? I've seen too much war for you to be mopping at home."

"Sure, Mark. Anything you say."

"Really? In that case, make me a sandwich."

I whirled and punched him in the stomach. He stared at me, bewildered. "What? Haven't you ever heard of a knuckle sandwich?"

He laughed. "Just for that, I'm introducing you to the ninja's worst enemy."

"Sounds like I'd hate him."

He grinned. "I know. It's called payback."

I snorted, walking to the house. I turned back at the door. "Hey, Mark...?" He stood up straight. "Thanks."

He smiled. "No problem, kid. Just don't forget my conditions."

I never did...even after the mail call reached our door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_ (2007).

Week 1:

One hand over my mouth. The other on the ground-an attempt to remain grounded. My throat clenched and my head throbbed. Tears streaming down my face. Sobs quieted so that she won't notice me. I couldn't risk detection. This simple action was a risk, but I had to release the pain. I wrapped my arms around myself and clenched my teeth in an attempt to create as little noise as possible. I had to let go no matter the risk. Because it hurt.

_Another scream_

_Another object hurled at the wall_

_Another stream of curse words_

Of course it hurt for me, hearing his death before even making it to the front door. But what hurt worse was hearing Sonya scream, cry, curse, and throw objects around carelessly. Did I fear for my life? Yes. Was it just because of Sonya? No. I feared myself as well as her. I didn't know how I would react in this situation or what would happen. The shaky ground we were thrust on was just that-uneven. I didn't know what would happen and that scared me even more than the possibility that-I don't even know what. Divorce scares anyone, and even though this wasn't really a divorce, it still hurt to know he wasn't coming back. He was the one who helped me with the statue that meant so much to me. He was the one who always tried to lighten the mood. He was the one who was like a father to me. Sonya tried to throw the statue away once, thinking that it was just a piece of scrap metal. I don't know what had happened to my parents and, to be honest, I didn't really care. It was too late for it to matter.

The memories made it easier. They distracted me from the painful present that was a screaming Sonya. Now that I had finished the metal statue and hid it in my night stand, all I had were the drawings. My dream of being a ninja was an escape. To wish that I wouldn't be alone in that dream, especially with the one I considered my savior, was a coping mechanism. I wanted comfort. To live a life of peace, tranquility and love with some badass moves thrown in to make it interesting. I knew it was a dream that wouldn't come true...not with my current situation. Not with the way Sonya was acting. Especially not with the reality of the dream. In my dream, I acted the way my soul really was, not the front that I put up on my human exterior. I would never act my true self around anyone-not when I was always made fun of for it. Not so soon. Not with so much I would be putting on the line. Regardless, I-

_Another object hit the floor_

I wanted to pack and, damn it, I wanted to leave! But there was nothing I could do. I couldn't just leave. There was no where to go. I had no money, and even though Mark worked hard enough at the shop for there to be a paycheck or two laying around, I couldn't just take it. I bent over more until my head touched the ground. My throat clenched as I fell on my side and stared at the floor hollowly. Even though I couldn't mentally think the words, I just wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain to stop flowing through our veins. The house was tainted with sour memories. A house I couldn't leave. A house I wouldn't even think of leaving until Sonya was silent.

Week 2:

I tried to be considerate even with my current mind set. I made Sonya breakfast and put it in front of her bedroom door. Nothing fancy, just eggs and toast. I wanted to be as quick as possible. A deed as simple as making breakfast was a risk now. Sonya and I hadn't spoken or, for that matter, seen each other, in weeks. I assumed that Sonya was taking advantage of her two week yearly "sick days" since she hadn't left the house. I was afraid to leave the house and I was afraid to stay inside. The house was filled with tension. I hadn't played any music in weeks, fearing that even the slightest noise would aggitate Sonya.

I'd been avoiding her by taking five minute showers, choking down quick meals with water from the sink and took the liberty of removing all photos from anywhere Sonya would think to look. What I learned from the first week is that if she sees anything that reminds her of Mark, she'll destroy it. It was a miracle the house was still standing after the first week with how many things she had broken. I was also surprised she hadn't broken me yet. The pictures with her and Mark included me as well, and I didn't want to remind her that I actually lived there. Part of me really hoped that Sonya would take the food that I left her as a gift from God in some mourning state of delusion. When she hadn't left her bedroom in the first two days, I grew concerned. I already had a dead uncle, I didn't need a dead aunt on my shouders. Or, for that matter, social services on my tail. I had enough to deal with...Besides, we were running out of food. I don't think Sonya would had been happy with me if I made her a sandwich with green bread.

Week 3:

If you grow up being beaten down constantly, either physically, verbally or both, eventually you will decide that you have had enough...or you become numb and close everyone out of your life...or you hope that everything will become better eventually. I wasn't one to think that things would get better. I hoped, sure. As a human, it's practically in our blood to hope for a better future. But if you've never been beaten before in your life, your still recovering from a broken heart at fifteen, and you get slapped around a mere three weeks after someone you care about dies...Life has just gotten serious. God has upped the amty and is telling you to get your but in gear or suffer the consequences.

The first time it happened, I was in shock. I sat in my room on the floor, staring at nothing as my brain processed the event. The second time it happened, I freaked out and packed an incredibly small running away bag, packed it in a tree in the backyard and prayed for two things. One was that no wild animals would get to it. The second was that I wouldn't have to use it. The third time killed me because of the words that were said and actions it forced me to take.

"Your an emotionless sociopath!"

"I am not a sociopath," I responded emotionlessly with a slight bite to it. One of us had to be strong, and if it wasn't going to be her-

Sonya's eyes widened. "Y-you killed him!"

"Saying that won't-"

"Shut up! You know absolutely nothing about anything! You're a kid!"

My eyes glazed over as the 'kid' comment stabbed my heart. "Your projecting your emotions instead of dealing with them."

Sonya stared at me through her black bangs. "Get out."

My eyes widened slightly. "W-what?"

"I will not have a homosexual in my house! Leave!"

I did as requested and left with Mark's survival bag on my shoulders and statue in my pocket. In the country I lived in, it was all I ever needed...but I was still halfway around the world from where I was wanted.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Transformers_: _Generation 1_.

The following music was used in this chapter in the following order:

Wake Up, Boo! by Boo Radleys (1995)

If I had no loot by Tony! Toni! Tone!

Whoot, There it is by 95 South (1993)

Only Happy when it Rains by Garbage (1995)

Right Here by SWV (1992)

Waking Up by Elastica (1995)

Have I Told You Lately by Rod Stewart (1993)

Dreamlover by Mariah Carey (1993)

Rump Shaker by Wreckx-N-Effect (1993)

**Lillian is eighteen in this chapter.**

The reason why Prowl went psycho on Lillian for drinking rain water is because of the acid rain back on Cybertron...Now as to why he thought it was hazardous to drink it when she walked around in it without a problem is beyond my understanding...

SC = Lillian's Subconscious...Yeah, she talks to herself. Deal. :P

**:Comlink:**

_:Music:_

**Warning:** I jump from first person to third as I switch from Lillian's to Prowl and Ravage's joint perspectives.

Hypnotic typing, randomness, run-on sentences, probably some spelling errors...I'll fix those when it's, you know, _not_ one in the morning...Enjoy.

~0~

There are some people in the world that you just want to punch in the face for being complete idiots. The worst people are not the people who are unintentionally idiotic since they are often innocent and require patience. The worst people are the people who intentionally do something to annoy you because they think that you are the one who needs the reality check. But, then, after you listen to them for a few minutes, you chill out and stare at them. Hatred has diminished, for the most part, down to the core. But you know that if they take one step closer-if they cross that line-you will snap. Sometimes people snap...Whoever snaps is either the calmest person the room...someone who is having a bad day...or someone who has nothing but work and wants to sleep but cannot because their mind is buzzing from anxiety and if they don't finish their work it is only going to keep piling up until your boss decides to burn it and then you stare at it in despair because that was your work, damn it, and you were going to get to it eventually...Then you find yourself staring at a wall or a floor or at any random object, really...You wallow in despair...and that's about it. Nothing really happens. No one crashes. No one dies. Nothing explodes in an orderly fashion. You just stare at something until your survival instincts kick in...or they don't. Sometimes they don't. Some people aren't programmed to look past their stupidity in dangerous situations. I guess it makes surviving the dangerous situation easier if the whole day was a giant gray blob of fog...unless you...could have...done something...

The worst...thing about...being numb is when your brain shuts down on you. The music in your headphones zooms past your ears. So even if they are, in fact, in your ears, the music may as well be going over your head.

I stared at the sidewalk..._No, the curb_..._the sewer_..._?_ My drawings of the mystic robot were in front of me. On the ground. In a bag. A plastic bag. Against the curb...My brain was not exactly functional as I stared at them. _They are_..._The bag is_...

_:Wake up, wake up_

_Wake up, wake up_

_Wake up, wake up_

_Wake up, wake up_

_But you can_'_t blame me now for the death of someone_

_But you_'_re gonna say, what you wanna say_

_You have to put the death in everything:_

Some song about waking up was in my head. It was annoying. I considered it a distraction from my current situation. _I don_'_t_ _like it_...

My eyelids lowered a smidge as I bent over to pick the bag up. This all started when some guy zoomed past me in his truck. Seeing as though it was pouring, two of his tires collided with a giant puddle and soaked me along with my drawings. I'm actually surprised the drawings had not been washed away...Then again, maybe not. The pretty black kitty was sitting on it, after all. He meowed as I went to pick them up as if to say: "Finally. What took you?" The little guy had been following me for I don't know how many days...

Needless to say living on the streets hadn't been paradise. If someone called living on the streets paradise I'd ask them when they got off the island or if they were lost in some foreign expenditure or-

_I have no idea what I am talking about_.

My mind had been slowly slipping since being on the streets. Mark said I shouldn't have to suffer for education, but listening to a nice cozy classroom lecture next to a radiator while looking out the window on a sunny day sounded kind of nice...Then again, _any_ familiar establishment with four walls, a floor, a roof, and a radiator sounded nice. A pillow. _Good God, yes_. _If I had money for a pillow_..._I_'_d probably spend it on food_. _Curse my logic and suffering survivial skills_.

Mark's kit survived me about...two weeks. Relatively...As much as I praised Mark for being a smart guy...could he not take the time to think about time? Two weeks worth of surviving is not going to do you much good. You might as well pig out on the first day and starve and wait for...something insane to happen. Mark probably thought a person who was smart enough to find the survival kit was smart enough to use it wisely...strategically...He was wrong. I was wrong. So, so wrong.

The cat rubbed against me. _Weird cat likes the rain_. _Crazy cat_..._Let_'_s get you some food_.

I really should have been getting food for me, but the little guy came first. I had been living in a wet tent for a week before I found the little guy in a bush. He had just been sitting there watching me practice ninjutsu. When I went back to my tent afterward, I found my tent inhabited by two cats. One was the one in the bushes-the black cat. The second was black with white patches. Once I found out they weren't going to claw my face off or give me some infectuous disease, I let them sleep in my tent. I had situated myself in a forest near a small town in...some state or another. I never paused to ask anyone what state I was in. I just hoped it wasn't Colorado.

I had no money. I had to steal from passing markets on the street that carried fruit. I prayed that no one saw me. I had enough to deal with. I didn't need the police on my back. You know what I needed? A new pen that didn't run out of ink after a week. I had a pencil at some point, but I lost it. Maybe a bird took it to use as part of a nest or something...

_:Wake up, it_'_s a beautiful morning_

_The sun shining for your eyes_

_Wake up, it_'_s so beautiful_

_For what could be the very last time_

_Wake up boo, there_'_s so many things for us to do_

_Its early so take your time, don_'_t_ _let me rush you please_

_I know I was up all night, I can do anything, anything, anything_

_Summer_'_s_ _gone, day_'_s spent with the grass and sun_

_I don_'_t mind, to pretend I do seems really dumb_

_I rise as the morning comes, crawling through the blinds_

_I shouldn_'_t be up at this time, but I can_'_t sleep with you there by my side:_

I picked up some fish at the local market before heading down the street as fast as I could. As I did so, I passed a small restaurant joint that had a "Now Hiring" sign in the window. I barely glanced at it even when _if I had no loot _played.

**:Argh-! Get a job, dumbaft! Get off your aft and work!:**

**:Must you-?:**

**:Yes, I must.:**

**:Don't you think she has been through enough? You see how she acts around other humans.:**

**:Are you saying we should let her continue to sit on her aft in a tent in the woods with us? She's like a crazy cat lady!:**

**:Before I even **_**begin**_** to process that...May I remind you about her recently deceased relative? Give her time-:**

**:Frag time, Prowl! She ignored me!:**

**:Well, you **_**are**_** talking through the radio...:**

**:Shut up, Prowl.:**

I walked down the path to my tent in the woods. I got my water from a stream near where I had sent up my tent. There were currently three occupants. Myself, the black cat that tended to follow me everywhere, and the black and white cat that never moved. I saw the black and white one under a bush when I was practicing my ninja moves. I decided to leave him alone, not wanting to get clawed. When I had washed in the stream and came back to my tent, he was sitting in the corner. After realizing that he wasn't going to claw me in my sleep, I let him stay...and I swear to God he barely moved. I never saw him leave the tent. I guess it's basic common sense to stay where there's food, water and shelter, but still...The cat is a total homebody. For some reason, he was also freaky about me drinking rain water. He would growl and go all psycho. Well, he did...I only ever tried once. _Its just water, geez_...

When my tent came into view, _Whoot, There it is _popped into my headphones. I smiled. _This thing is way too ironic_. _I_'_d like to know who controls the airways around here_. When I unzipped the tent and climbed in, I removed my boots and left them outside in the rain. I yelped when the black cat shook the rain water off him like a dog. _Like I said, crazy cat_... I sighed in exasperation before plopping the fish hidden in my sweatshirt down in front of the black and white cat. "Here. For you." The cat sniffed it before going back to sleeping. I stared at it for a few seconds. "If you don't eat you'll starve and die. No offense, but I really don't want to bury your body." The only sign that it heard me was that its right ear flicked. I shrugged and left it alone. _Maybe it already ate something outside the tent_.

**:How can she talk so crudely about another organic creature dying?:**

**:Prowl, she's living on the streets in a tent with basically no food, and she's talking to us as organic felines...She's probably already lost it.:**

**:How optimistic...:**

**:Like you are?:**

**:We should contact First Aid.:**

**:And tell him what, exactly? That there's a crazy human on the streets? He knows that already.:**

**:This human is not mental, Ravage. She is...lonely.:**

**Ravage snorted. :Whatever. I'm still calling her the crazy cat lady.:**

**Prowl sighed as he picked his head up to glare at Ravage. :Must you be so rude?:**

**:I have to preserve my mentality somehow. Annoying you at least provides some form of entertainment.:**

I took off my sweatshirt to reveal my black lacy tank. I didn't mind wearing it for two reasons. One - It was one of the only clean article of clothing that I had. Two - It wasn't like there was anyone of any importance around to see me in it. _What are the cats going to do, tattle tale on me? Cats don_'_t talk_.

_Then why do you talk to them?_ SC asked in amusement.

_Shut up_.

My sleeping bag served as the floor of the tent as I layed on my back with my hands behind my head. I closed my eyes and listened to the music.

_:I_'_m only happy when it rains_

_I_'_m only happy when it__**'**__s complicated_

_And though I know you can_'_t appreciate it_

_I_'_m only happy when it rains_

_You know I love it when the news is bad_

_Why it feels so good to feel so sad_

_I feel good when things are going wrong_

_I only listen to the sad, sad songs_

_I only smile in the dark_

_My only comfort is the night gone black_

_I didn_'_t accidently tell you that_

_I_'_m only happy when it rains_

_You_'_ll get the message by the time I_'_m through_

_When I complain about me and you_

_Pour your misery down_

_Pour your misery down on me_

_I_'_m only happy when it rains:_

_If I could purr, I would_. That singer's voice was sex incarnate. Music was sex for me. _If I could find someone with that voice_..._Good God_. _Eargasm_. I smiled when I heard the black cat purr somewhere behind my head. _Looks like he agrees_.

Prowl cringed. **:Why are you vocalizing approval? This is terrible.:**

**:I couldn't agree more.:**

**:...Come again?:**

**:I **_**said**_** that I agree, dumbaft. I'm only purring because she likes it. Can't you tell?:**

**:How could she be enjoying this?:**

**:Beats me. Maybe its the organic's vocal cords...You have to admit there is a certain melody to them.:**

**:I can **_**pick up **_**on the melody. Its the lyrics I'm having trouble adjusting to.:**

**:If you hate it that much I won't go back to it. But your doing so at the expense of her happiness.:**

**:Play whatever you like since I obviously don't have control of the airways.:**

**:...Would you like to? I'm getting bored, anyhow. Walking around with this human is exhausting.:**

**:I will take the next watch.:**

The black and white cat curled up to my side. I opened my eyes and grabbed my drawing notebook so I could flip through it.

_:Lately there seems to be some insecurities about the way I feel_

_Where I wanna be_

_Boy, you know its with you_

_No one can do_

_The things you do to me_

_Never to be mistaken_

_Long as it_'_s love we_'_re making_

_There_'_s gonna be some rain_

_Gonna beat the pain_

_But as long as I know _

_Boy, time will show_

_Our love will grow_

_And I know_

_Love will be right here:_

I blushed as I came across a picture of the robot's face. I clutched the notebook to my chest and sighed, imagining that he was singing the lyrics to me.

_:True love some don_'_t believe in_

_That_'_s just what I_'_m givin_'

_I_'_m gonna keep it strong_

_I_'_ll_ _be holdin_'_ on_

_To you:_

The black and white cat's tail curled around my left arm.

_:Sure as the sun is shining_

_Our love will keep on climbing_

_There_'_s gonna be some rain_

_Gonna beat the pain _

_But as long as I know_

_Boy, time will show_

_Our love will grow:_

I sniffled and wiped my hand across my eyes. _I_'_m fine_. _I_'_m_..._I_'_m just_...I looked at the picture again. _I_'_m in love with a_..._robot_..._who saved my life_..._and probably isn_'_t real_..._Yeah, I_'_m fine_.

I layed there for a few more minutes before my stomach growled. Seeing as the rain had stopped, I took half of the fish and made a fire. While I waited for the fish to cook, I lazily cut some firewood for later with a pocket knife that came with the survival kit. At some point, I stopped cutting the wood and stared at the knife before lifting it onto my skin. I admit the experiment seemed flawed. In my situation, I considered it a possibility. It wasn't that I wanted to die, it was that I was bored. Done. Numb. In my mind I had no family, which was true enough. My family never cared for some punk kid. Mark was the only one brave enough to try-Sonya came with him as an extension cord. The point of the experiment wasn't to die. It was to try. To see how it felt. Looking back on it, I'm glad I put the knife down. I never attempted armed robbery or harmed anyone else besides the few scoffles I got in-all of which were not started by me. Any move I made was out of self defense. I had the knife on my left wrist. At first, I pressed down. Then I guided it across. Neither action was enough to draw blood-merely enough to feel the pressure. It felt strange. My body didn't enjoy the touch anymore than it did human to human flesh contact. I went back to cutting firewood and that was the end of it. It wasn't until I had eaten and taken a good, long look at my wrists that I had realized the volume of what I had tried to do. I felt the tears slipping before I could stop myself. I held my head in my hands and sobbed. _Mark, forgive me_. _I_'_m sorry_. _God, I am _such _an idiot_. _I_'_m a good for nothing human that no one will ever accept because of stupid, goddamn prejudices_-

I continued to rant mentally until I felt the tail wacking my thigh. I sniffled, wiped the tears with my sweatshirt and looked down. The black and white cat was rubbing against me. I smiled when he brushed against my side. "I must look so worthless to you." He purred. I gave a sad attempt at a laugh. "_And _I'm talking to a cat...God, I'm an idiot. I really need to get a life worth living at some point." I yawned and wiped the tears away. "Maybe tomorrow," I mumbled as I curled up on my side. The cat curled up next to me again. He seemed determined to not go back to his regular corner. I didn't mind.

_:Love will be right here_

_Be right here_

_Right here_

_Be right here_

_No fear_

_Have no fear_

_No tears_

_Love is here:_

~0~

_:I_'_d work very hard_

_But I_'_m lazy_

_I can_'_t_ _take the pressure and it_'_s starting to show in my heart_

_You know how it pains me_

_A life of leisure is no life you know_

_Waking up and getting up has never been easy_

_Make a cup of tea, put a record on_

_I_'_ve got a lot of songs but they_'_re all in my head_

_I_'_ll get a guitar and a lover who pays me_

_If I can_'_t be a star I won_'_t_ _get out of bed:_

I groaned and rolled over. "Shut up, damn you."

**:**_**Ravage**_**.:**

**:What?:**

**:Is that **_**really**_** necessary?:**

**:Yes. Its noon. Get up lazy aft.:**

**:It's **_**what?**_**:**

I felt a puncture on my side and jumped. "Ow! Okay, geez!" I shook my head as I sat up. I ran my hand through my greasy hair and huffed. _I need to buy a brush at some point_. _The half assed comb I have doesn_'_t do anything_. I yawned as I got out of the tent and pursed my lips when I stepped in mud. _Damn_. _Okay, brain, wake up_. I sighed before grabbing my boots. _May as well jump in the river_..._Should I eat first, though_..._?_

_:For the morning sun in all it_'_s glory_

_Greets the day with hope and comfort too_

_You fill my life with laughter_

_And somehow you make it better_

_Ease my troubles that_'_s what you do_

_There_'_s a love that_'_s divine_

_And it_'_s yours and it_'_s mine like the sun:_

**:I swear you are the snappiest mech alive.:**

**:I believe she requires what you are referring to as 'snappy.' She has undergone great emotional stress. I wish to elevate it.:**

**:...I think you mean that she has **_**lacked**_** emotion lately...Whatever. Do what you want.:**

**:How encouraging...and you are growing rather fond of that human statement 'whatever.'"**

**:Are you telling me to use it less?:**

**:Whatever:**

**:Ick. Thanks, Prowl. You just made it loose its touch.:**

**:Thank the Allspark.:**

**:Wait, you-?:**

Ravage gave a start when Lillian pressed the stop button on his side. "Ridiculous," she muttered.

Ravage huffed.** :Great job, Prowl. You pissed her off.:**

Prowl was geninely shocked at the young female's dismissal of the song.** :I can't see how. I found the song rather uplifting.:**

**:Yeah, because you have a bondmate. The only living things she's around and talks to...sort of...are us. We can't exactly please her in any way in these forms.: **

**:No...But we can try.: **Prowl followed Lillian as she stalked to the nearest river.

**:Prowl, where are you-? Scrap. Wait up!:**

~0~

I plunged into the river. The cats were guarding my clothes on the shore. When I came up for air, I heard birds chirping and...big surprise, another love song.

_:I want a lover who knows me_

_Who understands how I feel inside_

_Someone to comfort and hold me_

_Through the long lonely nights_

'_Til the dawn_

_I just want someone to belong to_

_Everyday of my life:_

Ravage groaned. **:Prowl, will you quit it already? Your boring me back to sleep.:**

**:I will not have you playing something crude.:**

**:At least it will be better than this romance scrap.:**

**:Someone misses his bondmate...:**

**:Like you don't? Come on. Give it up.:**

**:Fine.:**

_:Check baby, check baby, one, two, three, four_

_Yup, yup, it_'_s Teddy ready with the one-two checker_

_Wreckx-N-Effect is in effects but I_'_m a wrecker_

_Of the track _'_bout the honey shakin_' _rumps and they backs in_

_Booties of the cuties steady shakin_'_ but relaxin_'

_The action is packed in a jam like a closet_

_Beats bound to get you up, cold flowin_'_ like a faucet_

_Not mean to make you sit, not mean to make you jump_

_But, yep, make the hotties in the party shake your rump_

_Shake it, shake it, shake it now_

_She can spend every birthday, butt naked_

_Body is soft, makin_'_ me wanna squish her_

_More than just a game, a rumper like a sub-woofer_

_All I wanna go is zoom a zoom zoom zoom and a poom poom_

_Just shake ya rump_

_Rump shaker:_

**:Typical. Must you be so inappropriate?:**

**:Look whose talking...And yes, I must. I'm trying to lighten the mood.:**

**:What could you possibly...? This is not lightening the mood.:**

**:Better than the romance scrap. You try finding something that isn't romance on these pit-forsaken airwaves-:**

I clutched my sides, laughing. _My God_. _What in the world_..._?_ _What kind of song is this? Do people really-? People make _money_ on this garbage? Do people find this arousing? _I snorted. _I am so glad I_'_m not sexual_. _Geez_. _Is sex always so illogical? If people can come up with songs like this, desire must make people insane_.

**:Primus! Prowl, look! I made her laugh!:**

**:Yes, yes. Congratulations.:**

**:Your just grumpy 'cause it wasn't your turn at the station.:**

**:I would have never picked something so foul.:**

**:Of course not. That's why I'm here. You'd bore the poor girl to tears.:**

**:I hardly doubt-:**

**:Prowl, Primus is dead!:**

**:Are your cells fried?:**

**:No, seriously! I think Primus is dead!:**

Prowl sighed, deciding to humor Ravage.** :Why?:**

**:The femme's dancing! The universe must be falling to the dark side!:**

**:Falling to the...? You have watched too many human films.:**

**:Ruin the moment, why don't you?:**

Prowl didn't think the moment was ruined in the slightest as he watched the young femme in front of him dance without a care in the world to her vulnerability. He smiled, believing she would be fine with time and a push in the right direction.

~0~

**Author's Note:** I tried so hard to get all the past stuff out of the way in this chapter, but I'm too tired to continue. T-T I'll just leave you guys with this for now. Please review?


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